I’m craving intimacy but I don’t have the desire to be in a relationship or do the work to learn someone enough to be intimate

I (25f) don’t know what to do. I left my fiancé in May. It was the worst thing I ever had to do but I had to because the relationship was not good. We both failed each other and I knew nothing was going to change. I ended our toxic relationship and moved home. We went limited contact for just over a month. Only talking about what we needed to do to get our lives untangled. I genuinely loved this guy. I can honestly say, I had never put so much effort and emotion into someone and it was, in a way, rewarding. I had set my mind that he was my forever. I am not an emotional person usually. I don’t hold attachments like most people and I wasn’t sure I ever could until my ex. So when I split up with him, it took a few weeks but I was able to reign in any and all emotions. I went numb. Just like I was before. I don’t love him anymore. But I don’t feel much of anything. This is who I was before him, it worked for me then. We started talking again as friends, at his request. I told him I wasn’t interested in relationships, he is still in love with me. I’ve been nothing but clear about where I’m at. I know that if I ever took him back there’s a lot of work we’d need to do separately to make it work again but neither of us is even close to being there.

This is where I need advice: I’ve tried OLD, my mom has set me up with people. I’ve gone on real dates. I feel nothing. In fact, the more I date, the less I want a relationship. I want a husband and a family but I really don’t want to date anyone, not unless they are the right person. I’m so sick of dates and go no where relationships. But I crave intimacy and emotions, but I require a worthy partner to feel those things. What do I do? I’m not 100% sure my ex is the right person for me because we were very different people and I don’t want to wait for years if the right person is out there. But I don’t know how to find them or give enough of myself to be someone else’s worthy partner unless I’m sure I’m making the right choice. Any one else experience this?

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